the gamer


A game that can never be mastered but always improved at.

The gamer is simple; they want to be ahead of the game itself. In order to that, they must set the rules and know where the short cuts are. In simple words, that individual has to own the upper hand at all costs.

The gamer sees life differently. You could say that they live in their own bubble, a bubble which states that everything that happens, happens for a reason and the opponent is always moving. In chess, one forgets that the board itself is a player. This basically means the situation itself. For example, two people have to change their skills and tactics depending on the situation and adapt accordingly. A true player knows this; they would be able to adapt efficiently to survive.

Gamers have trust issues; major trust issues. If life were truly a game, then it means that most people are obstacles and only a few are genuinely trying to help you. But anyone who plays games knows that sometimes it is better to play it alone instead of having a possibility that someone could toy with them. So they play it safer, they play it alone. And playing it alone means no strings attached.


A true player; everything that comes out of a player is calculated and planned to make the opponent feel like they have the upper hand or that they’re in control. By doing so, they ensure that the opponent feels overly confident and when that happens, the opponent will usually slack and make mistakes.

It’s sad in a sense that no matter what anyone says, they truly believe they are playing some sort of game and can’t help themselves. They feel paranoid and they feel like they need to know everything. Even though knowledge is power; ignorance is bliss. Therefore, they aren’t in peace.

A gamer has an odd life. The more of a gamer they are, the less they try. It becomes natural. As if it is part of their code; part of their human nature.


the sociopath


Everyone thinks that the sociopath is unbeatable, invincible and literally like God as they feel nothing which means nothing can harm them. And usually to take down such an individual needs team work and careful planning and a lot of time. This is not true; most sociopaths are in jail or are alone. Sociopaths tend to do more damage than others as they do not feel towards what they do. They do not feel regret or remorse. This entitles them to a wider variety of criminal activities. And if one cannot express human emotion, then usually that certain individual will find it hard to fit in. And if they cannot fit in properly, it comes in no shock that they spend their time alone. No one is willing to spend time with someone who shuts them out completely. The only exception to this would be if that person were just as damaged as the sociopath.


To be a sociopath is easy in a very complicated manor. The beginning stages of becoming a sociopath is rationalizing. If the individual decides to hurt someone, they do not question how that person would feel, but that the person has made others feel worse. I guess one could call that reasoning with your own conscious so you feel less guilt. Given that logic, it is possible with constant reasoning, eventually you care less and less till the individual feels nothing. And there you have it; a sociopath.

Usually the people who tend to be the sociopaths are the people that have been traumatized at a young age. Though many individuals wish to be emotionless, in reality it is extremely hard and takes true determination. Those who have been affected at a young age can adapt easily. To block at certain images or memories they reason with themselves without realizing. As it has been done at an extremely young age, it is seeded into the brain and becomes normal. As they grow older, it then becomes more known to the person that they lack human emotion. These individuals tend to be the future psychopaths. Psychopaths are all about the mind and brain and how to toy with it. If they lack human emotion it becomes easy to toy with others as there is nothing holding them back.

Overall, one could say that to be a sociopath means to live life alone or to live a lie. And through that life they will have committed sins which might in fact be normal to them, however to the social norm would be a criminal act. There are exceptions to all of this, but that would link into the sociopaths who also are psychopaths.

When is it ever enough?


Something that has always bothered me from the beginning of time (maybe from when I was 15) is that when is it ever enough?

We always try for things in life. Whether it’s people or objects. When it’s an object, the choice is much simpler. You either have an urge, or you splurge, or you resist or you genuinely get over it with or without you having it.

But when it comes to a person, when do you stop trying. Sometimes you think to stop is the wiser option and then you think if I stop now it’s a waste. Then you think carrying on could be a waste; you get the general cycle right?

So when do you stop?  Ive never known, do you?

How would you kill?


When people think of chess, they think chess. Literally. I mean, the game can be quite time consuming, boring and exciting, simultaneously. But the one factor that is consistent is that chess players are smart to some extent. Well so I have heard (I’m a chess player, maybe I’m suggesting something here).

Moving on, what people fail to see if that chess is actually very psychological. I mean there’s more to just playing the game. You need to be able to read your opponent, predict and make them feel like they’re in control. Let them let loose and basically control their own actions (sounds more like seducing the other player).

So, that’s already an eye opener. But I always save the best till last. Did you also know that chess actually shows the mindset of a person.

Let me expand on this…

What is checkmate? Winning the game? Yes, it basically means the king no longer has a place to move without your pieces getting rid of the king, therefore you win. Whilst check means that one of your pieces is in the kings way and can get rid of the king, therefore the king must move. 

So that’s the general gist, but here comes the fun part. There are usually two ways a player wins. Either the player gets to checkmate in the shortest and fastest amount of moves (3) and then wins or the players knocks down the opponents pieces one by one and then isolates the king and there it is; checkmate.

So the psychology behind this is that a person who prefers to do it efficiently, clearly doesn’t like to waste time; hence goes straight for kill. Whereas the player

who isolates the king is usually a planner and if given a situation such as this in real life would actually sit there and plan their kill; real slow.

Now that you know, how would you kill?

Lies, lies, and more lies.


What is a lie?
By definition, it is an intentional false statement.

But is it that black and white?

Why is it when a person does a 1000 good things and then 1 bad thing, everyone holds it against them. They forget the 1000 moments of pure happiness they could have brought and are fixated upon this 1 bad thing.

Human behavior is something special. We manage to suprise ourselves virtually every moment of every day. We contradict, we are hypocrites, we hate on one another. Heck, we would even kill when we’re not hungry (in the animal kingdom, one kills to feed. Not out of greed).

When I listen to people, and when I observe people like some casual stalker (joke). It’s funny how most people can lie like it is all they know. Like it is part of nature. I mean the words flow smoother than nutella (I love nutella). 

I remember an old associate of mine. He couldn’t lie to save his life. He’d huff and puff and his face became red and you just knew this took more out him than it should. And it was hilarious to watch. However, as time needed him to lie again and again. He actually got better. He learnt to mask his own flaws and now when that guy opens his mouth. I don’t even know what’s the truth anymore. And it’s annoying because I genuinely liked the fact that he was an honest guy (keyword here is ‘was’).

On the other hand, Ive seen people lie over and over again to protect themselves or their own. It’s like we feel that a lie does less damage than the truth. We usually have to feed someone what they want to hear in order for it to work in our favour. Why is that?

So what is a lie

Is it just an intentional false statement?

Or is it a calculated protection mechanism to ones self or others.  Do we lie to protect, or do we lie because we enjoy it. Or do we lie because lying is usually easier than the truth.

Is a lie nothing more than just an escape route?

Misery loves company


We learn things. Everyday is a new learning curve. And today, I felt a little bit weak and a little bit strong.

When we lose ourselves, we tend to never follow that path again. But we also forget that sometimes, reinventing yourself is the stronger and more efficient path to take. I learnt that today.

People around me started questioning my judgement, my approach, my basically everything due to my previous ex. They started looking at me as if I were a puppy. A little person running around someone else. I wasn’t. But that is how I sold it. I hated it. But it is what it is.

Today, I faced those people. I walked up to them. I smiled. I didn’t care. I spoke. And it lifted me. They respected me. I faced them, though I knew what they had thought of me. And it hit me, misery loves company, and that’s because we allow it to.

I’m fed up of moping around the house feeling sorry for what could have been. It is what it is.

And this picture, I don’t know what it does to me, but it’s reality. And reality is harsh.


I mean Ive seen so many blogs where people want tonnes of followers. They complain about it. But isn’t the real point of this is to actually write.

Writing is what drowns the human mind with emotions.

If you do not write, and if you do not write about something someone wants to read. Why would they follow you?

I mean, I know I’m one to talk, given I feel that I have no-one reading my work. But I don’t care. Because I know that this work, is work for me. It helps me. Shows me things id forget, or look past. So it helps. A lot.

I also hope that one day, someone will enjoy my work. But that day can be today or forever. It doesn’t bother me. Writing is from the soul. And I write, for my soul.


I have a secret, a little secret. No, that’s a lie. A very big secret.

And sometimes, we hold secrets to ourselves. Like the things we tell ourselves that aren’t even true, but then we make believe, and we make it reality, now it’s the truth. Though you, yourself, and you again, know it’s not true.

When you keep telling yourself that a lie is true, it becomes true.

I told myself I was depressed, I became depressed. I told myself I was happy, now I smile. But also told myself, this is all lies, now I wonder.

The curiosity in me.

I know I haven’t wrote a blog recently, to be honest, I completely forgot I even had a blog. And then I saw a friend write about her life and I went, oh my, I write too. Sad really. But moving on swiftly, today while I sat on my sofa bed (don’t have a room due to room like issues), I felt like talking about a recent craving I have had.

The use of using the word craving is interesting, even for me. But it is, what it is.

I have gone into Craig’s list to find psychopaths or sociopaths or any kind of paths out there. I mean, I feel like I can’t really communicate with anyone. The world sees me for someone I’m not. I’m a splitting image of a lie. And it sucks. I just feel like I need someone outside of the box. Someone who sees the world a little bit darker. Not someone in denial.

But my search was pointless, as I know that a true nutter wouldn’t be on Craig’s list claiming they are a nutter.

It was worth a shot though.